Paradoxical Theory of Change

A tool used to describe change is often referred to as the “change curve”. In psychology this is sometimes referred to as the Kubler-Ross cycle, after the psychiatrist who studied death, dying and grief. She came up with this depiction to illustrate how people adapt to loss. It’s widely used among many disciples to help people understand that there is a process of adapting, and growing through a big change. This curve is essentially, the process of living life. Any experience in life, can transpose this process to it – be it an organizational change, a change in relationships, an addition to a family, a new team member, the loss of a loved one, an injury. This process helps us understand how we adapt through something new.

How do we go through this process? Most people struggle going through the process. Often people’s reactions to change aren’t to the change itself, but the process of change. We resist, we deny, we get stuck in emotion. However, the only way out, is through. This is what is often referred to as the “paradoxical theory of change”.

Change occurs when one becomes what s/he is, not when s/he tries to become what s/he is not.

Change does not take place through a coercive attempt by the individual or by another person to change them, but it takes place if one takes the time and effort to be what they are – to be fully invested in their current position. In this way change occurs by surrender. Again the paradox is that change doesn’t occur by “trying”, coercion, or persuasion, or by insight, interpretation or any other active means.  Rather, change can occur when you abandon, at least for the moment, what you would like to become and attempts to be what you are. The premise is that one must stand in one place in order to have firm footing to move and that it is difficult or impossible to move without that footing.

Resilience is…

building capacity to stay with the process of change; a skill you have to practice, and in every moment of change you are called to practice.

14 Replies to “Paradoxical Theory of Change”

  1. I happen to be writing to make you understand of the cool experience my daughter went through browsing yuor web blog. She came to understand several details, which included what it is like to possess a very effective teaching mindset to make the mediocre ones really easily learn about various tricky matters. You really exceeded people’s expected results. Thank you for showing such great, healthy, educational and cool thoughts on that topic to Janet.

  2. I precisely needed to say thanks all over again. I’m not certain what I would have followed in the absence of these tips discussed by you concerning my concern. Certainly was a very frustrating case for me personally, however , looking at a skilled manner you dealt with the issue took me to weep with happiness. Extremely happier for your service and wish you know what a great job your are accomplishing instructing people today by way of your site. Most likely you have never got to know any of us.

  3. I wish to show my gratitude for your generosity supporting individuals that absolutely need help with this particular subject matter. Your special dedication to passing the message all-around became definitely good and have truly empowered regular people just like me to achieve their ambitions. The informative tips and hints can mean a lot a person like me and far more to my fellow workers. With thanks; from everyone of us.

  4. I intended to draft you this very little word to be able to give thanks as before with your striking solutions you have provided on this page. This has been simply pretty open-handed with people like you to deliver openly all that most of us would’ve marketed as an ebook to end up making some money for themselves, notably considering that you could have tried it in case you desired. The things likewise acted to become a easy way to understand that other people online have a similar keenness like mine to figure out very much more with regards to this matter. I’m certain there are a lot more enjoyable sessions up front for those who start reading your website.

  5. I simply needed to thank you very much once more. I am not sure the things I could possibly have followed in the absence of the entire information contributed by you on such a subject matter. This has been a fearsome matter in my circumstances, however , coming across this specialized tactic you dealt with the issue forced me to leap for delight. Extremely grateful for your support and pray you are aware of a great job you are getting into instructing other individuals thru your web blog. More than likely you haven’t got to know any of us.

  6. I really wanted to make a brief note so as to thank you for all the splendid ideas you are giving on this website. My particularly long internet investigation has at the end of the day been paid with good quality strategies to share with my good friends. I ‘d repeat that many of us site visitors are undeniably fortunate to live in a great community with so many awesome people with valuable solutions. I feel extremely privileged to have encountered your entire weblog and look forward to tons of more enjoyable minutes reading here. Thanks a lot once more for everything.

  7. I intended to send you that tiny word so as to thank you very much yet again for those incredible advice you’ve provided on this page. It is simply unbelievably generous with you to give publicly precisely what most people could have distributed as an e-book to help make some money for themselves, even more so since you might have done it if you ever desired. These principles additionally served to become a good way to be aware that other individuals have a similar zeal just like my personal own to understand lots more in terms of this issue. I’m certain there are lots of more pleasurable periods up front for individuals who start reading your site.

  8. I together with my buddies came reading the excellent recommendations located on your web site and quickly I had a horrible suspicion I never expressed respect to you for them. Most of the young men appeared to be totally warmed to read all of them and already have truly been tapping into them. Appreciate your turning out to be quite kind and for selecting varieties of smart themes most people are really wanting to discover. My sincere regret for not expressing gratitude to earlier.

  9. I simply wanted to thank you so much all over again. I am not sure the things that I would’ve gone through without the smart ideas shared by you concerning my area. It seemed to be a very difficult problem for me personally, but being able to view the specialised tactic you solved that forced me to leap with fulfillment. I am just happier for the help and thus hope you are aware of an amazing job you happen to be accomplishing teaching the mediocre ones through the use of your blog post. I am sure you’ve never come across any of us.

  10. I have to show my love for your generosity giving support to men who need guidance on the subject matter. Your very own dedication to getting the message all around was definitely effective and have truly empowered some individuals much like me to get to their pursuits. Your amazing invaluable tips and hints signifies so much a person like me and a whole lot more to my office colleagues. Warm regards; from all of us.

  11. I want to voice my love for your generosity supporting people who need help with your topic. Your special commitment to getting the message up and down appeared to be exceptionally significant and have continually empowered most people like me to arrive at their endeavors. Your informative tips and hints denotes much a person like me and especially to my colleagues. Warm regards; from all of us.

  12. I in addition to my pals have already been looking through the excellent key points from your website and then then I got a horrible feeling I had not expressed respect to the web site owner for those techniques. Those women were consequently happy to read all of them and have quite simply been taking advantage of those things. Appreciation for actually being quite thoughtful and also for finding this kind of cool guides millions of individuals are really needing to be informed on. My honest regret for not saying thanks to earlier.

  13. My husband and i ended up being absolutely relieved that Chris managed to complete his inquiry through the precious recommendations he gained while using the site. It is now and again perplexing to simply be handing out helpful hints that many people have been trying to sell. And we also figure out we now have the blog owner to thank for that. All the explanations you’ve made, the straightforward web site navigation, the relationships you will make it easier to create – it’s got mostly sensational, and it’s really aiding our son in addition to us do think that idea is amusing, which is certainly extraordinarily vital. Thanks for the whole thing!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.